13 phrases that can not be spoken to a child
Never, and under no circumstances, pronounce the following 13 phrases referring to the child. It can hurt him.
1. "If you behave this way, a neighbor's dog / tooth fairy / employee RONO will take you away."
It is especially unpleasant for a child to hear intimidation before going to bed. Children for some reason believe in adults, and since you are authoritatively informed of an alarming phenomenon, most likely, it can mean something. Sleep becomes uneasy: either because of the horror film sounds from behind the wall, or because of the prophecy of the parent. Near and to neuroses. By the way, from the age of four to six years, the preschooler has the age of irrational fears, so the subsequent pats on the shoulder: "What's the matter, the vampires on Wednesdays have a day off!" - they will not bring success.
2. "And I guessed where your hands grow!"
The Russian language is very expressive in terms of not the most pleasant epithets for parts of the body: "hands-hooks" and "empty head" - seemingly innocent words addressed to the man who turned the condensed milk on the sofa. And then he climbed everywhere with his paws and did not even wash his hooves. This is a dangerous way: children form their own image based on our words about them. It is much better to constantly indicate that the heart is good, the head is light, the arms are smart, the feet are fast ... According to the laws of psychology, it will be so. "Vanechka, well, why did your bright kind hands again dismantle the alarm!"
3. "Well, do not revise! You are a boy / girl / descendant of Genghis Khan! "
Ah ah ah. Such a big parent does not know that denial of the child's feelings comes out sideways to all participants. He / she / descendant of Genghis Khan is now very ill, and it is best to feel sorry for them all together and find out the cause of grief. The second minus of this phrase is that it forms the impossibility of achieving a certain standard. As if this standard is somewhere hanging and shining, the child must reach out to him, but, alas, he began to cry and disgraced himself.
4. "Yes, my father and I are all for you ... We've dedicated all our lives, all the money has swelled! These are the most calloused hands! "
Many will be surprised, but no one asks anyone to devote his life to him. This burden is too large for a person of any size - to know that someone has sacrificed for you the most valuable. Especially if there is nothing to pay. The feeling of guilt with such sentiments is sucked into the child tightly and strongly poisons life, as well as your relationships. Probably, you would also not have a conversation with someone who sold his kidney to give you skates for your birthday.
5. "Oh, Lord ... On!" Take your sweets with orange carcinogens, just leave me alone! "
This is an unsuccessful reaction to requests, if only because next time when the rates rise, you can arrange a better flight. It also works. In addition, the phrase itself is so crude that it is embarrassing to bring home. Children often hear this. Imagine that the head of you raises the salary with such words - unpleasant, I swear.
6. "Eh, I'm in your time! I won at competitions on throwing a bucket. The whole school was afraid of me! "
Despite the fact that parents usually brag about idiotic things, children want to be like them, especially if they always emphasize the importance of "similarity" with such words. This is again an attempt to establish a standard, this time and completely unattainable: Dad in your years could, but you do not shine, you are not good. From here and up to the learned helplessness to give a hand: when the confidence "I can not" develops into the conviction "I should not even try." By the way, from the same opera the phrase-comparison: "Look at Mashenka, she never erases the evaluation from an electronic diary - that's an example for you!"
7. "While Masha is still here, notice - she also finished the compote, not what you are!"
Probably not the most relevant observation for people who look at Facebook, how others lost weight before they leave, but still: a person can only compare with himself and with himself yesterday. Otherwise, we will always be surrounded by steeper, more successful and smart people. We are doomed to a deliberate failure when we are trying to find other comrades who are more prosperous in different spheres. Mankind has not yet invented a single hero who would be the best in everything, so the child does not become the most. What a terrible thought!
8. "Anyway, we'll go on vacation to the tundra. And I do not care what you want there "
The logic of the child is this: "If my mother does not care about my expectations, then they really are not important. And if they are not important, then I myself am kind of not very important. " Meanwhile, in psychology, it is commonly believed that parents should form children's reverse things, for example, basic trust in life, a sense of their own worth and significance. So it's better to rephrase the phrase: "I know what you would like in Disneyland, and your opinion is very important to me, but unfortunately we can only afford to see the beauty of northern moss!" And here it's cool, if there is no other room in the other room the other member of the family will not shout: "Because I said so! And a point! "
9. "Once again shlopochesh two, you can not see consoles!"
Instead of a joystick, you can be threatened with deprivation of pocket money, days off, or portions of ice cream - it's not important. Here there are two sad things: first, the substitution of motivation (a person as if should learn only to be allowed to play with the joystick), and secondly, the erection of this dubious reward in the cult and higher pleasure. If the child has problems, then express care should be different: "If you spend all your time with the console, instead of studying, and you can not overcome the temptation, I must help you as an adult who understands that while you are not capable regulate dependence. Let's think together how to do it. " It is not necessary to bring down in one heap assessments and prefixes. Such a conversation should be separate from an emotionally charged conversation about the deuces.
10. "Well, he's got some crumbs!" He left the table! I bowed to the guests, I said! "
So with the boys talking in the army, at school and some popes. When verbs are in the past tense, disobedience is not implied. Another effect of such words is that they degrade human dignity and directly hit the person by breaking it. Brought up on the verbs of the past, the child gets used to the fact that the force must be obeyed, and he can also bring speed to the parent for slippers. But this is perhaps the only plus.
11. "Come on, son, I'll prove right now that you're lying." First, your imaginary friend is much smaller than the tracks on the carpet ... "
Catching on lies and proving that the child was deceived is the right way to provoke him into new false propensities. Do not carp, do not tell, it's petty. It's tactful to make it clear that you are aware of, but do not press on the patient - a much more subtle work. And if the child often and persistently deceives, it is a sign that he has some problems, perhaps, concerning self-esteem or relations in the family. It makes sense to understand the reasons why imaginary friends come to your house with acts of vandalism.
12. "What? Are you afraid of sleeping in a tent? C'mon! You did not even shiver when I showed you yesterday "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". "
Denying the child's fears, you do not get rid of them. You just send an unambiguous message: "The parent does not see your problems at close range." Yes, maybe the dragon in the closet seems to you nonsense, but for the child it is real, like those 22 ghosts under the sink. It's great if a child of any age finds support and empathy when addressing you.
13. "How do dandelions multiply? Well, I do not! It's too early for you to know! "
Saying something similar regularly, you will forever get rid of various inconvenient children's issues, because they will address them to someone more competent, like a plague comrade in the suburban area. If the question of what "orgasm" caught you off guard, you can say: "I'm not ready to answer now, I need some time." After that, it is worthwhile to pay special literature, listen to a couple of thematic webinars "How to tell the children about it" and finally go to the child with the diagram drawn. There you will most likely find that he has long lost interest in orgasm and is now absorbed in the problems of the relationship between religion and terrorism. Home will be much surprised when you try to turn the conversation back to sex. But it's better than nothing.
Well, we wish you that your children grew up healthy, smart and successful!