Children can ... not educate!
You probably know a lot of stories about how the most wonderful parents, good people, candidates of science grew up children - not educated daredevils and robbers. And the mothers that raised their sons without a father, working on three jobs, barely making ends meet, grew up quite decent guys - smart, kind, reliable, successful. Did the candidates of science badly educate, and single mothers - well? The question is rhetorical. We do not know. In fact, we do not know how someone's upbringing affects a child.
If we understand by education some kind of directed effect on a person, it seems that such an impact should lead to a very definite result. Well, as in the TV: clicked on the button, the channel turned on, pressed another - the screen went blank. It's simple. But children are not TV sets, and they do not have buttons, and they "work" hard for an intricate "scheme".
Strangely enough, what exactly the child will perceive after such an impact, it is impossible to predict. Sometimes all your instructions can be perceived unequivocally, and the child for some of them will live all his life, sometimes he will do the opposite (you did not smoke - he smokes, you drink a lot - for him "sobriety is the norm of life"), and sometimes he does not hear what you say to him, but you will be surprised how accurately he will repeat your whole life scenario: the same models, features, mistakes.
Another parental illusion: children perceive exactly what they are told. That is, they perceive words. This is not quite true. In fact, children hear intonations, catch senses, repeat the characteristics of your behavior, the model of your life. You can tell a child a hundred times that "you have to be polite with the elders", but if you ring your own mother-in-law on the phone and then discuss it quizzically in the kitchen, why would you believe the child and respect the elders? If you are lecturing him about the dangers of nicotine, just coming out of a smoky toilet, the conclusions of the child, against your expectations, can be very different. For example, "it's really interesting to smoke," "all adults lie," "they always prohibit what's interesting," "you always have to say what you do not think," and so on, many more intricate options.
So it turns out that to educate a child is a useless occupation, all the same to a greater extent he will perceive not what you say to him, but how you live yourself. You are lying - he will lie; you have not become a person - and he will have few chances; you constantly swear and beat your wife - and he most likely with women will have difficulties. No wonder psychologists say that:
- Если ребенка часто критикуют — он учится осуждать.
- Если ребенку часто демонстрируют враждебность — он учится драться.
- Если ребенка часто высмеивают — он учится быть робким.
- Если ребенка часто позорят — он учится чувствовать себя виноватым.
- Если к ребенку часто бывают снисходительны — он учится быть терпеливым.
- Если ребенка часто подбадривают — он учится уверенности в себе.
- Если ребенка часто хвалят — он учится оценивать.
- Если с ребенком обычно честны — он учится справедливости.
- Если ребенок живет с чувством безопасности — он учится верить.
- Если ребенка часто одобряют — он учится хорошо к себе относиться.
- Если ребенок живет в атмосфере дружбы и чувствует себя нужным — он учится находить в этом мире любовь.
Thus, in order to "educate" a good person, one must be good to be happy - to be happy, successful - successful, and so on. Non-directional influence acts more correctly.
Fortunately or unfortunately, children do not always repeat their parental destinies completely. Sometimes on their way there are other adults: relatives, teachers, trainers, acquaintances and just good people who share their life models with them. And if at this moment, no matter at what stage of life, an adult or a small person has the opportunity to understand, analyze, look back at his life, feel and understand, then the chances to live his own life, to translate his own script, to sound his own theme are increasing. It's not so important how old you are: in forty you can start all over again, at sixty - keep looking for yourself, at seventy - start separating from your parents. If the parent model by which you automatically continued to live for many years, you did not fit at all, you can always start living your own way, even if one day is left to live.