What an ill-bred child! (parental shame)
Oh, what a rude child! This screaming almost every parent is heard often enough. But notice who usually pronounces this phrase? The same young parents, like you? This is hardly likely! They already perfectly understand what it is like to raise a small child. As a rule, these are old women, who, if they had children, for so long that no one will remember. Moreover, these children most likely were raised not so much by them as our Soviet state in nurseries and schools, while parents bravely built socialism. Still such remarks do "teachers in a shower" - those people who live and others learn to live under strict rules accepted not clearly when and it is not clear whom. But certainly not those who loved and respected children.
What is the notorious "well-bred child"? This is the one that:
- always politely greet, say good-bye, and generally be polite to adults, it does not matter whether these adults like him or not;
- responds to the remarks of adults with sincere repentance and a growing sense of guilt;
- does not say until he is asked;
- always helps the elders;
- never gets angry, does not take offense, and is not afraid;
- dejectedly and quietly stands in line for more than an hour, just like the adults around him;
- does not ask many questions;
- I'm not interested in what's horrible and does not go anywhere;
- always neatly tie a hat, cords, has a clean handkerchief and very clean hands.
The picture ... of a complete neurotic. Of course, if you want your child to grow up just like that, then it's worth doing everything to make him "educated." To explain what I'm talking about, I say that neurotics are people who are always ready to believe that:
- "Of course, I'm guilty. And moreover, I am always guilty. "
- "We must live for the sake of other people, because I do not count."
- "I have no desires, only yours."
- "I'm sitting on the edge of a chair, because I do not have the right to take up a lot of space."
- "I do not show initiative and activity, because I'm used to listening to others."
- "The most important thing is to be good to you, and I will, whatever it costs me."
You've probably met a lot of these adults. They just grow out of such "obedient" and "educated" children. It's easy with them. And with children - they are quiet, passive, timid, manageable, and with adults - they are always passive for the idea, team, team, parents, business - or not important for what, but not for yourself. It's comfortable. All but the baby itself! A child whose character develops according to a neurotic type is anxious, tense, intimidated, often sad, may lag behind in development or not fully use his potential, often sick, hardly communicates with people. But "brought up".
What an ill-bred child! It's sad that so many parents fear to hear this ridiculous phrase pushes to obey the general rules, and eventually leads to betrayal of their child's interests only for the sake of not experiencing the same guilt and shame. Wine and shame again! And it turns out that we make the child "brought up" not for himself, but for himself, so as not to be ashamed and not "to blame"!